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Maurice Loves You

Bob Ryder's 1wrestling.com

The Suicide Machines: Destruction by Definition

Slobberknockers abound
Ringside Shadows #100: A Brief Celebration, an Honorable Disgrace and a Shaky Assurance

Well, well.. Looks like I reached #100 after all. After the hellacious schedule I've undertaken this semester, it started to look as though a stall at #99 would be indefinite. But hell... there's too much going on these days to hold onto my opinions forever. That, and my mailbox has been steadily filling up. Even Matt Spence has posted twice since my last visit, and that's a sure sign it's been too long.

If you're looking for a 100th issue celebration, you've already passed it. I'd like to consider myself as anything but egotistical, and rather than spend an entire issue patting myself on the back, I've put up my new banner and gone on doing what got me here in the first place. Wait, scratch that. I do have one more little celebratory piece to throw up here..

This thing's just too goofy to let sit for much longer. That's really me, in both red circles.. in the smaller one, you can barely make out my hurrying to grab a sign, reading "Give us Jushin Liger". It didn't get on tv, but we eventually did get Liger. My "I schill for Schiavone" banner was taken from me because it was "too large". At any rate, this is my proof that I have, in all actuality, seen Rick Steiner (and the Disco Inferno) live. He's just as terrible as on TV.

So anyway.. I caught the Monday evening programs this week. I haven't much to say, so I'll try to keep it contained to a couple paragraphs.

WCW's Remaining Talent Gets their Chance
When Kevin Nash called out the WCW roster Monday Night, some called it a show of unity. Some, a sick jab at the men who stood up for themselves. Me, I saw it as a failed attempt by WCW officials to reassure themselves. In that ring stood a relatively poor group of talent, with a handful of exceptions. Juventud sat on a turnbuckle, completely disinterested in Nash's speech and playing totally out of character. Kidman stood in a similar pose. After a quick glance at the sorry sight, I realized there really wasn't much reason to watch WCW any more. What good is a rejuvinated cruiserweight division without the talent that made it special in the first place? But then again, that's not to say I didn't see a few potential diamonds in the rough..

The active members of Three Count (read: not Evan Kurragias) have more than a glimmer of hope in their future. Based on their willingness to bump like madman, as well as their spectacular double-teaming, I surely won't be the only one making a comparison to the Hardy Boyz. If they can dump Karagias, these two have a heel gimmick that works in their silly teeny-bopper band.

After all this buzz around Crowbar, I paid a little closer attention to his moveset this past Monday and was more than a bit surprised. It may have been the willingness of the aforementioned 3-count members to bump, but Crowbar merits closer watching in the next few months. If he can move on beyond this blatant David Flair clone of a gimmick he's got, things could be looking good in his future, too.

The Big Reversal
If they hadn't done it in the exact manner they did, I'd be jumping all over them right now. The fact of the matter is this; when reports and images of the Benoit/Sid match came in, I personally noted Sid's foot under the ropes immediately. I figured nothing would come of it, since we're expected to forget such things, but there it was, plain as day. Bob Ryder has stated in his column that it was a horrible move on WCW's part to place the belt on Benoit, despite his estrangement. I won't argue with that.. though the men who booked this one were a whole lot more on the ball than big Bob gives them credit for. Sid's foot being placed underneath the rope was no accident, it was insurance. They knew there was potential for explosions within the next few days, but they were confident that Benoit would make the choice to stay a bit longer if he had that extra incentive. I'll commend both parties; Benoit for sticking to his word and backing his friends, and WCW for doing everything in their power to simplify things to a point where a working environment is once again possible. If they'd recruited anyone but Arn Anderson to pass the news, I'd have been pissing up and down and all around on the WCW right here. As is, Anderson worked his magic in one of the most heartfelt apologies I've ever been privy to. His gentle tone smoothed the moment over in my mind, and though I'm still far from happy about the results, I can take the time to realize both sides were doing what they felt they had to. Still.. wouldn't it have been sweet to see Benoit go over in 3 matches on Nitro? The program sure as hell would've kicked harder than ever in these past few years.

RAW Opens With A Speech..
..and I loved every minute of it. Mick Foley is the supreme being of all mic workers. Hopefuls like HHH or the Rock can learn more than a thing or two by just taking a seat and watching. Foley spent a good 10 minutes and not once became redundant or boring. He promoted this Sunday's main event in a way that was both believable and entertaining. It's rare that I'll offer praise regarding mic time, but Foley and Anderson were both deserving this past week.

Vince Does the Impossible
It's true... he managed to coerse the fickle WWF "sports entertainment" fans into watching.. and enjoying.. a damn fine match and feud between the Hardys and the Dudleys. Both teams were hot with the audience for a good run, but were slowly showing signs of cooling off before this Monday's brawl and what will come this Thursday evening. Finally, the Hardys are being rewarded with a lengthy feud that doesn't require a carry job. Where Matt and Jeff would likely find themselves narrowing their offense in an effort to carry the Headbangers, they can let it all hang out without worrying about the Dudleys keeping up. Sure, their feud with Edge and Christian was legendary for these same reasons.. but the main beef I had there was with its longevity. This is a feud that needs to be limited to a maximum of 2 PPVs and then cut loose. Damned if those weren't some of the nastiest looking 3-D's of all time, though. This is the feud championships are made of... somebody tell me why there isn't any gold up for grabs in this one.

A Couple Out of Context Words
Kanka. Retrospect. Mama llama.

Surely, those were out of context.. I've a couple little things worth commenting on, but none of them are worth their own paragraph. First off, I picked up a copy of Ultimo Dragon's Toryumon promotion this past week (thanks to the provider.. I'm not sure if you want me printing your name here, lest ye be overrun with requests. You know who you are), and was reminded just what brought me back to wrestling in the first place. While several of these guys are/were green as hell, some of the spots are spectacularly innovative. A couple just defy logic, such as the Dragon Kid's 180 into a hurricarana pinning combo. The whole tape had a lighthearted attitude to it, as the younger trainees took hold of the cameras for a while and toured their dorms. That, and it's gold watching Ultimo walking through an airport in his mask. If you dig high flying stuff that blows your mind, this is definately worth your time.

I was cruising the WCW web page earlier today and happened across some shots from Steve "Sting" Borden's new made-for-tv movie. Be it the not-so-tough man on a motorcycle shoot or the Stinger looking quite uncomfortable with a gun, things just don't get much goofier than this.

Finally, I caught Andy Kaufman's film, Man on the Moon, a couple weeks back and meant to make a post mentioning it prior. A lot of those old Memphis moments didn't carry through the Hollywood treatment as well, and I'd urge you to keep your eye on Comedy Central. They've been airing the feud in it's entirety lately, and I'm sure you'll agree that Andy was the supreme heel back in the day. In case you're interested, the special is titled "Andy Kaufman: I'm from Hollywood", and I was watching a good chunk of it during the worse bits of Nitro's first hour last week. On a final note; during the movie, the credits were shown in their entirety at the beginning of the film, and never played again. I could be mistaken, but I swore I saw Gordon Soley playing the role of Ring Announcer in the Kaufman/Lawler fight. Anybody else notice this, or am I just a tool?

And what the hell.. let's wrap up with a few


"Mello Jello" (michaels@naxs.com) had a question about Flair's rumored jump and the Rock's involvement;

"now i could very well be wrong, but i remember seeing somewhere (probably at 1wrestling.com) that the reason flair wanted to jump to the wwf was to feud with Rock. btw, the new tuesday review is great."

Honestly, I haven't the foggiest. I'll follow you and say I'm far from flawless, though I do remember more than a couple pointed words being aimed at Flair by the 'great one' around the time of his first rumored jump last year. Is there anybody out there that has a stronger memory than I and can clarify this statement? Sorry I wasn't much help at this point, but thanks again for your comments and for reading.

Mojomajik9@aol.com passed along a rumored gimmick;

"I just read off of the IWZ web-site and I am not sure if it is true or not. But from what I understand WCW plans on having Devon Storm have the gimmick of the..drum roll please...WRESTLING JESUS!! Now I am not going to bitch about this because I am a religous zealot who wants to bomb a plane. But I do wish to complain about the stupidity of this move on WCWs part. I was raised in the South and believe me when I say this isn't going to fly. Hitler would have a better chance of becoming a member of the friars club.

I can see it now..He goes undefeated until the dastardly NWO "kills" him but he comes back from the apparent death on a pay per view. Excellent idea Vince Russo. Also this sets up some mighty nice crucifixtion matches and oooh maybe an angle with Bill Goldberg for the title of the real King of the Jews. Now why don't they get Meng to be Buddha and Booker T to be Muhammed. And they'd be all set.

In all seriousness I hope this idea doesn't come forth because I know alot of the wrestlers are Christians. Eddie G for example. But not only for company moral but to keep the media backlash from hitting them in the balls. This could spell disaster for WCW. Thanks for hearing me bitch for a bit."

The rumors have been dispelled, and there will be no wrestling Jesus gimmick, as it seems to have been a rumor falsified by a reporter somewhere. Still, the notion is a sick one and brings up several moral issues that have been crossed in the past with this industry. How much longer will it be before an angle like this one actually comes to fruition, in the name of ratings?

Up next, "DC" (themightybuffster@yahoo.com) was among the many to ask about my comments on the Suicide Machines;

"I'm a big fan of your work at the Big 3 Newsboard. You did a great job on the Souled Out Preview and your columns are always food for thought. Anyway, let me get to my point. I noticed in your Souled Out Preview that you mentioned your favourite band is The Suicide Machines.

I happen to really love one of their songs that I taped off the radio awhile ago, but the tape was destroyed and I haven't been able to find the song since, and I was wondering if you could help me find it. The song I'm talking about is called "Give" and is from the album "Battle Hymms". If you know anywhere that I could find an mp3 of this song, I would be very appreciative if you could direct me to the place. Thanks for your time, and keep up the good work!"

I don't think I can help you with locating an mp3 of the song (if anybody out there can, toss him an e-mail), but it may be up in that or RA format on the band's official website. That's located at www.thesuicidemachines.com, and is where I found the mp3 of their new attempt, leading to my almost complete disenfranchisment with the band as a whole. It just hasn't been the same since Derek left. Anyway, thanks for the praise and for reading.

Ravager30@aol.com voiced a question that was mentioned in several e-mails this past week, so I'll clarify;

"Great ideas on how those seven guyys should be used, but what is the "sunny incident"? I've never heard of it"

To put it bluntly, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels' feud got way too personal, and Shawn accused Bret, live on RAW, of having an affair with Sunny behind the scenes. Bret was offended, and the two got into a legit fight backstage.. this led to Shawn 'losing his smile' and refusing to job the title back to Bret at Wrestlemania 13, which he was then forced to sit out.

Finally, Tim B. (jaycee_07109@yahoo.com) sent in a top 10 list to close us out.

Top ten reasons Bob Ryder made a complete fool of himself since Vince Russo was hired by WCW.

10. Stating in week #3 that he wouldn't be surprised if WCW wins at least 1 quarter hour in the ratings for that week.

9. He went along with Russo's booking style (after trashing it for years while Russo worked for WCW) & lost any credibility.

8. Proclaimed that he was right by saying that Jericho should have stayed in WCW!

7. He said week after week that WCW was heading in the right direction.

6. His brown nosing of Russo & subsequent manipulation because he was "allowed in the WCW Monday meetings"

5. The Friday the Russo story broke (1/14/00) he went 2 full hours without even mentioning it on WCW Live.

4. The fact that there was no "Notes from Bob" the 2 subsequent days after the Russo story broke

3. He never criticized Russo for the bookings of Orndorff, Steele, Snuka, Santana, etc (after Russo proclaimed he was bringing WCW to a more "youthfull" direction)

2.The old adage - If it writes like a shill, broadcast like a shill & constantly covers up like a shill - it must be a shill!

1. The The simple fact that this top 10 List could easily have been a Top 100!"

And that'll do it for me. Thanks to everybody who stuck around with me through these 100 issues, and I guarantee you the next 100 will be just as fun, and better written to boot. John and I will be back Friday with the third and final PPV of this month, so check back in with me then. Thanks again to everyone who's supported me, as well as everybody at the Big3 Oratory, which will always be my home, Justin Waine and everybody at BreakDownNews.com, Bill Lupo and the guys at DasmackDownNews, the Pro Wrestling Plancha, and everybody I talk to through AIM. I appreciate all the feedback I've recieved from you guys and look forward to 100 more's worth.

until next time, i remain

The Triad


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