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Totally Reeking of Sucktitude

Jerry 'the King' Lawler


Slobberknockers abound
The Oratory RAW Review Crew: 09/09/02

What can one really say about a show like last night's? Sure, there were some nice moments, and the show ended on a big up... but I also spent rearly an hour and a half wondering why I even bother tuning in anymore.

Jerry Lawler has got to go, there's not even any question about that any more. He had a nice long run with JR back in the day, but the man is currently an absolute waste behind the microphone and has been ever since he came back almost a year ago. I swear to god the entire night went wasting by, while he frothed at the mouth like the old sweaty bastard he is. First it was anticipation about Bischoff's announcement, then it was comment after comment about the "HLA" coming up in just "a few short minutes," then it was speculation about who would be involved, then it was reflections on the importance of this Lesbo Love Assault gone bad. I'm embarassed to even watch the show when he opens his mouth. Tell me football or basketball would be taken halfway seriously if the announcers spent the entire broadcast chatting about what they'd like to do to the cheerleaders after the game. You tell me you're trying to give us a new wave of stars, I say start at the announce position.

And then there was Bradshaw. Good old "the fans will never get tired of" Bradshaw. My ol' chum, "I am incapable of selling anyone's offense" Bradshaw. The old enigmatic Texan, who's nearly killed every division he touched. Yeah, I'm really glad he's back on my set. I hope next week he rides a bull down to ringside, because that'd be really cool. The future is here and it is Bradshaw. Now watch as he hogties Christian and attempts to milk him.

And, oh yeah, there was a women's match in there somewhere. Victoria's got some inventive spots. She can't land them to save her life, but they're flippy and fun to watch. More than I can say for Stacy Keibler. Not sure why, but last night I just kept wondering what they'd do if Stacy suffered the same kind of injury as Kevin Nash and Triple H. She nearly did once or twice during that epic, graceful matchup, as the four of them took turns falling over one another. Shit, and you thought the match was bad as it was...

Now I know it sounds like I've regressed completely back into the old, grumpy, angry drqshadow of 1999. And I'll be honest, it's getting really hard not to. But I've got to say, despite the hefty chunks of suck I'm leaving out of my recap, there were some spots I really enjoyed last night. Like Dave mentioned, it's great to see William Regal with a decisive direction again. He looked legitimately motivated to put on a good match for the first time in ages, and I really welcome it. The guy's unbelievable when he wants to be, so if they ever get serious about making the UnAmericans go anywhere, keep a close eye on Regal. He'll blow you away. As of right now, he'll probably realize he's jumped from one dead-end to another pretty quickly, and his decay will continue unhindered.

There was also the main event, which was spectacular. If there was ever a textbook definition of building a match up from start to finish, this was it. The little angle with Jericho, the Big Show and the chair didn't work so well, but everything else was right on. I guess that's what happens when you put three guys in the ring who have extensive experience with one another, the promise of future direction dangling above their heads. Good to see Jeff Hardy is finally starting to grow a personality, turning on RVD without a second thought and showing us he might just be able to work as a heel. And they wrapped it all up with an outstanding series of nearfalls, several false finishes and a big spot to cap it all off with a clean pinfall. These guys get a big thumbs up from me, shining that much brighter as a result of the pitiful show that preceded them.

Not quite as bad as last week, but close.

Score: 3.5 / 10


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